


Breaking Point

by joukaimokie



Series: Hero's Journey [5]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Angst, Incest, M/M, Oral Sex, Underage Drinking, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 07:38:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joukaimokie/pseuds/joukaimokie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a mission gone wrong Denzel does his best to remain strong but after a visit from Cloud and a night out with Rick he might just have reached his breaking point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Point

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII does not belong to me and I am making no money off this.

Muscles coiled, strength hidden beneath a slight frame. The brown hair fell in his face and blue eyes watched in silence as he listened closely. He could hear the breathing beside him but eyes didn’t turn from the line. It wasn’t supposed to be a battle but when he was shipped out he knew it wouldn’t be peaceful. He leaned on one knee as the breathing continued in his ear. 

“Hey Denz,” Rick whispered from one side of him. The lips barely moved and his eyes remained locked forward. “See anything?” 

How ironic it was that they had separated after the fight in the slums of Midgar only to be reunited again here in the WRO. They had trained together, been shipped out together, they had fought as much as they had laughed, and here they were. Steady arms held the rifle ready and sweat made his uniform stick to his skin. The heavy knit hat kept his hair flattened as the drops of sweat rolled down his face. The tip of the wet tongue darted out and ran over his lips. 

“No,” a drop of sweat dripped off and fell onto the already damp collar of the jacket. The first thing he was going to do when this finally ended was find some ice cold water and jump into it. Hypothermia would almost be a blessing compared to this. They didn’t even really know who they were but they were dangerous, dangerous enough to not fear starting a stampede of behemoths towards the soldiers of the WRO. The worst had passed and the blood stained the ground. 

A loud clanging alert sounded and the surroundings flickered as the blood and monsters melted into sterile metal. The remaining dead stood and Rick stretched with a groan. “Ah fuck, there goes the sim,” he grumbled loudly and Denzel slowly lifted himself up and wiped the sweat from his face. He didn’t have anything to add and in a way it was a relief it was over. He wished they didn’t have to relive it again and again. It was easy for the new ones even though it was a tough mission but it was harder for those that had actually lived the failure. Rick was always full of bravado about it but he couldn’t do that. 

Blue eyes lifted as the heels clicked forward and Denzel expected the familiar lecture. He should have known the simulation well enough; he had more promise than that, he was failing them. 

“Private Strife!” 

Muscles snapped into the familiar tightness and blue eyes lifted as he saluted sharply. “Sir, yes sir!” 

“You have a visitor, hit the showers and report to the commissioner!” 

“Yes sir!” 

As he was excused Denzel’s mind quickly ran. He shot a glance back towards Rick and quickly shook his head. He knew he would get it later for ‘special treatment’. As he was excused shoulders sagged slightly and hurried towards the showers with only a brief detour to his quarters to grab a fresh uniform. He stripped faster than he had in a while, ready to get rid of the heavy uniform. The hat went followed by the chest armor before he was finally able to strip everything down. The white shirt stuck to his skin before it joined the rest of the pile and groaned. The cool water beat his skin and washed the sweat off his skin. 

Hands scrubbed at it until the freezing cold seemed to seep into his bones. Only then did Denzel decide he was clean enough and dressed once again in the uniform. None of the others were able to get special visitors, but none of the others had been taken in by the planet’s heroes either. He would always be special in the eyes of the WRO. He got special visitors, even Reeve watched him closely, he had joined while still a child… 

But he never had it easier than anyone else. They didn’t give him the harmless assignments, didn’t get away without punishment, he was pushed as hard as anyone else if not harder. Maybe it had been a mistake to enter with Cloud’s name, maybe they thought he was better than he was, but he had needed to do it. He needed to do this for his own good and to make Cloud look at him as more than a kid. 

All the while he trudged to the office and before he wanted to he had stopped at the door and knocked sharply. No sooner did he step in the body set rigidly and his hand raised in a salute. Denzel opened his mouth to address Reeve before the man gave a wave. 

“At ease,” Reeve said as he stood up. “I’ll let you two have it out.” 

The arms began to fall behind his back until eyes settled on the other figure. They travelled up over black boots and pants, buckles and a sweater held shut by a zipper, over strong arms before his gaze settled on the mako blue eyes and blond chocobo-like hair. Denzel swallowed painfully and the first instinct was to look away. The lump remained in his throat and Reeve sat down as hands folded. “Did you two want the office?” 

“No, we’ll go out.” 

The lump wasn’t going away; in fact it seemed to grow. Denzel’s shoulders fell as he fell in step beside Cloud when he walked ahead.

“Tifa said you were injured.” 

No preamble, just straight to the point. Denzel never expected anything else and he glanced away. He couldn’t look at Cloud, couldn’t deal with his pity. He wanted to be bitter that Cloud never came, he wanted to snap back, but he couldn’t seem to form any words. 

“Why didn’t you say you were back at headquarters?” 

“Tifa told you,” his voice seemed hollow even to his ears and he was certain Cloud could hear it. His shoulders sagged as he glanced ahead. 

“Let’s get a drink.” 

Denzel didn’t try to protest. He didn’t try to tell Cloud that he didn’t drink, remind him that he was too young. He was starting younger than he probably should have. He could still remember his first taste. 

All the men were high in spirits after a border skirmish and one handed him a bottle with a slap on the back. He had laughed that if he could kill he could drink. The first sip caused a frown and he laughed heartily, but eventually after a few sips the drink went down easier. 

But he was dead now just like so many others. Just as clear as his laugh was or the sound of his voice, or even his scent, so was the sight of his body crumpled and his blood that stained the ground. It hadn’t been a battle, it had been a slaughter. By some grace he didn’t even remember it all or even when reinforcements had come. He just remembered all the blood as his CO yelled for him and tried to hold a wound shut. Even now it was blurred in his mind. 

Nothing was really clear other than waking up with Tifa next to his bed. The wound had been stitched closed and everything felt numb. He was told to take some time off, go back to Edge for a while, but he couldn’t. He returned to duty before Rick did. He could remember his CO’s disapproving look and the warning that he would force him to take leave if he needed to. 

Feet trudged after Cloud in silence as he was lead down towards the streets. If this was another pity talk he wasn’t interested. Especially not if Tifa sent Cloud to bring him back home. He wasn’t going back, he was fine, or so he told himself. 

 

The moments of awkward silence were long but after a few beers the familiar teen seemed to make himself known again. He rambled on about a lot of things from the harshness of basic training to his reunion with his old friend Rick. They were just little stories and not at all what Cloud knew he needed. Eventually Denzel would break under the weight of his chosen path, especially now. 

It was hard to ignore the reports, even if he hadn’t tried. Ever since the teen had been sent he had offered Reeve whatever he needed in exchange for information. He knew where he had been sent, what squad he was in, he had known about the massacre and even once he had news on Denzel’s survival he couldn’t force himself to move. 

This wasn’t a nightmare Denzel needed saving from, he wasn’t a child he could hold until the pain vanished. Even if he knew he had failed as a parent Denzel still stayed forever by him. But now he had grown up and just as certain as the pain had been obvious during the worst of his fevers it was now just as obvious. When Reeve had reported that Denzel refused to stop or even slow down Cloud knew he had to speak with him. It wasn’t something he was good at and at that moment he hated every second of it. 

He drifted off and fell silent as his eyes stared dead into space for a few moments before his attention finally focused once again. “Why did you come Cloud?” 

“Everyone’s worried about you.” 

Denzel’s shoulders hunched slightly as he drowned the beer. “I’m fine.” 

It was a lie and as Cloud watched him he knew they both knew it. He could deny it forever and keep running. He was strong like that, had been since he met him. He had been alone and scared but only after so much. And just like back then he would claw at everything and put one foot in front of the other until it became too much. 

Blue eyes stared out the window at nothing and Cloud could see the nightmares behind them. He only saw his strength, he didn’t ever see the haunting that the army brought as well. In a way Cloud wished that Reeve had never agreed. But just as much he knew Denzel wouldn’t have given up. Even if he had to wait until he was eighteen he would have joined. 

He could come up with half a dozen things, could tell his mind that Denzel would handle the death and destruction better at a more adult age, but he knew they were just excuses. “Did you need another?” 

Denzel’s attention quickly snapped back and she shook his head. “I shouldn’t drink too much. I’ll be in trouble if I come back drunk, disorderly conduct and all,” he gave a helpless shrug and sighed slightly. Hands cradled the bottle slightly between both hands and ran his thumb across the smooth glass. The brown hair fell into his eyes and Cloud watched him closely. Since he left Denzel had changed, he had grown up so much in the months away. 

“Thanks Cloud, but I should get going.” 

He pushed himself up and Cloud quickly grabbed Denzel’s wrist in order to stop him. “You’re not fine Denzel,” he began as the teen jerked his arm away. “Have you talked to anyone? I’m sure Reeve can find someone for you to talk to.” 

Denzel turned away from Cloud as he sighed. The blue eyes turned towards him and a harsh look appeared. It was better than the dead eyes that had been there but just as easily it told him that Denzel didn’t want help. He wouldn’t take it. There was a difference between being strong and just being stubborn and unfortunately Denzel was the second. 

“Thanks for the drinks Cloud but I should head back.” 

 

He felt numb when he left Cloud and even worse when he returned to training and his duties. That had been a growing problem. His only relief was the spike of pain that cut in every now and again. He didn’t sleep much in the past weeks. Insomnia had become his constant companion on most nights and when it wasn’t the nightmares were. He knew he needed to talk to someone, anyone, but still he sent Cloud away just like that. 

He didn’t want anyone to see him like this. Rick had taken a few weeks off and returned but he had remained here. Maybe Cloud was right to worry about him. Maybe he should’ve taken a few days, even a week off before he returned to work. The cloth stroked over the rifle as he snapped it shut with a click as the door slid open. 

“What was that about Denz?” 

Denzel lifted his head and a sigh escaped as he glanced back towards Rick. His old friend looked like he had seen much better days. Pale green eyes focused on him as Denzel switched the safety on and placed it down. “It’s nothing.” 

“They don’t call people to the commissioner’s office over nothing,” Rick moved towards him and sat on the edge of the bed next to Denzel. He slung one arm over his shoulders and pulled him over. “Let’s go out. Maybe we can loosen you up. You keep it up they’re gonna make you an officer before you’re my age.” 

Denzel shut his eyes and a sigh escaped as he shook his head. So many people expected so much of him. His CO told him he had promise, he pushed him harder, but there was a reason he was a favorite. 

“Not really.” 

“We’re going out,” Rick grabbed his arm and pulled him up as he headed towards the door. He paused for a moment and frowned as he let go of Denzel’s arm. “Civies, now. You are not going out in your uniform.” 

Denzel sighed and his shoulders fell as he slowly stripped off the clothing. He didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do much of anything, but it wasn’t like he really had a choice in the matter. His civies were quickly thrown on before he let Rick drag him out towards the entrance of headquarters. 

“You haven’t taken leave at all, have you?” 

“Why is everyone so worried about that?” Denzel huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest. The pale eyes focused on him and a frown creased Rick’s face in an instant. 

“Did your family come by?” 

Denzel raggedly dragged his fingers through his hair and shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it, not with Cloud, not with Rick… Rick at least had been there but he couldn’t be the weak one. He couldn’t let himself be hurt like that. No matter what happened he had to keep fighting. “It’s none of your business.” 

“Moody…” Rick muttered as he rolled his eyes. “That time of the month?” 

He managed to duck out of the way as blue eyes turned on him and Denzel swung back at the other teen. Rick managed a laugh and shook his head as he wrapped an arm around his neck. “We are going out and getting drunk until you loosen up, or get laid, whatever comes first.”

“I don’t need to be drunk to get laid,” Denzel shot him a half glower as he was dragged out towards the street. He half stumbled as Rick pulled him further down the road. Denzel gave a sigh as he stretched slightly. “Okay, quit pulling I’m coming.” 

Rick shot him a grin of pure victory and his hand moved to Denzel’s back and pushed him forward as he shot him a look behind his back. Fingers dragged through his hair and he groaned slightly as he let Rick push him towards the bar. 

“One of these days they’re going to remember I’m too young…” 

“Not if you keep them company… you know the keep is always looking your way,” he said with a grin as Denzel reached over and smacked the back of his head. 

“Ass...”

“Oh you love me,” Rick said as his grin grew. 

“I love your cock, there’s a difference.” 

Rick laughed as he shook his head and pushed him further towards the bar.

 

A number of drinks in and Denzel already knew it was a bad idea. It was easier when he could stay busy, easier when he could keep himself away from others he might lose. He was as numb now as he had been but with too much alcohol in his system he could seek out others and try to lose himself in them. 

It was desperation to feel something, anything but the growing numbness and periodic pain, to have the warmth of another body and the exhaustion to maybe fall asleep or at least distract. That was the reason they came here, the reason they would fall into bed with anyone willing. It was different than the loneliness and basic closeness that had first landed him in his COs bed during his tour. No, this was a numbing of the worst of it that led him into bed with other soldiers who wanted it, his own friend, and if he was desperate enough anyone who was willing. 

He knew none of them loved him, they were comrades and friends, they’d put their lives on the line for him but they wouldn’t love him. And the one he did love could never see this side of him. That was the greatest fear, not that he would die or the pain would never leave, but Cloud seeing this side of him. He loved him and that’s why he couldn’t tell him, why his heart wrenched when he appeared. 

Denzel’s head dropped as he stared into the now empty mug and half listened to the yells as another round was offered. He took the mug and sipped at it as Rick wrapped one arm around his waist. He rested his head on his shoulder and blond hair tickled his cheek. Denzel started for a moment and then relaxed. The blond was the wrong shade. It was too sandy; he wanted to see the yellow spikes and blue eyes instead of the pale green.

“I want to feel… something,” Rick whispered as he leaned against him and rubbed his fingers through the blond strands. “I can’t sleep,” his arm tightened around Denzel’s waist as blue eyes turned towards him.

“You’re drunk Rick.” 

“Who cares,” he pushed himself up and clumsily stumbled to his feet as he grabbed Denzel’s arm. “I need to feel. Help me.” 

Rick stumbled as he tried to walk and Denzel wrapped an arm around his waist. His friend leaned against him and half fell as they made it out the door. His moved over clothes, fumbled touches as hands pushed him back against the wall. He could feel the hard brick against his back and the sloppy kisses pressed roughly against his lips. He could smell and taste the alcohol. It overpowered everything else as hands fought to get under his shirt. 

The calloused hands slid slowly over his abdomen and then Rick frowned as fingers traced over the ugly healing scar. “You got hit pretty bad, didn’t you,” he whispered against his lips as Denzel pulled him back in for a rough kiss. 

He didn’t want to think about the battle or about the injuries. He could smell the beer on him and it reminded him of the bottles that were collected in Cloud’s room, the alcohol on his breath late at night after a hard day as he told him his stories and the scent of beer that seemed to cling to all of them even now from the days of Seventh Heaven. It hadn’t been the first time that he wondered briefly if this was what Cloud would taste like. If his kisses would be as rough and sloppy as Rick’s were. 

Would his hands feel like this, calloused from years of work as they stroked over his body?

Denzel pressed his hips back against Rick’s as his own slid over his back and down his body. Fingers snagged the belt loops and dragged Rick closer as fingers blindly worked at the belt buckle. It slid loose and a growl escaped as hips ground together and the pants became looser. Denzel slid his hand into them and let it brush over his tip and then down across warm skin. 

Rick groaned slightly and bucked into his hand as his own slid under the shirt and pushed it up higher. His fingers rubbed along one nipple and stroked it with his thumb. His head dropped and lightly nipped at one of the nubs. He arched his back slightly as the hand continued its path over his length and he yanked down the pants. Denzel slid away from his grip and knees slowly touched the ground. 

“Denzel… not that…” 

Rick quickly shook his head as he reached down and stroked his fingers through the brown hair. His gaze lingered on him for a minute and gasped quietly as he pulled the foreskin down gently and the mouth moved around the tip. Denzel slid his tongue over the head before he sucked slowly at it. It ran across the slit and sucked at it. His hand gripped the shaft and ran down over the skin. He took him further into his mouth and then drew back. His tongue darted out and traced a line straight from the tip to his balls. 

Denzel ran his tongue between them and traced over one side. Fingers gripped the brown hair and gave the ends a slight pull. He gave a slight pull of his head and took him back into his mouth. He gripped his hips and ran his tongue over his tip. Denzel’s head bobbed over his length and drew back slowly. 

His hand traced over Rick’s hip and held him as the mouth claimed him once again. 

He sucked at him and drew back to press lips to the tip as the other hand stroked him. When he didn’t look at him he could pretend. He could pretend that it was Cloud in his mouth, that he was the one touching his hair. That was all he could allow himself because he could never let Cloud know. Denzel ran his tongue from tip to base and inhaled the musky scent before he drew back. 

He could feel his own cock throb trapped by his pants and Denzel took him back in as fingers moved back to his balls. He ran his fingers over them and massaged them lightly as he took him in deeper. He sucked harder at him as Rick arched his body. He gasped loudly and gripped his hair tightly. He gave it a slight pull and Denzel fought the urge to choke as he pressed in deeper. 

He shuddered and his cock jerked as the release spilled into his mouth. Rick groaned as his head dropped back and Denzel moved back to his heels. He quickly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as the blond looked at him. 

“Should’ve let me get you off too,” Rick muttered as he tilted his head towards Denzel. “We still got time if you can stand.” 

Denzel slowly lifted himself up and managed a forced smile towards Rick. It was when he stood that the reality crashed around him. He knew the entire time, would always know it wasn’t Cloud, but a part of him wanted to cling on to that fantasy. 

“You always look so disappointed when you get up,” Rick crossed his arms over his chest as he shook his head. “Let me take care of it, you can’t wander around like that,” he let his hand drop and fingers passed over the bulge of his pants. His thumb rubbed over it and lips pressed back against Denzel’s for a moment. “Don’t lie, I know you’re hurting from everything and you’re not going to let anyone help you,” fingers reached up and he gripped Denzel’s hair slightly. 

“Why does everyone think I need help?” His CO, Tifa, Reeve, Cloud, now even Rick just wanted to help him. He could lie to himself, say he was fine, but deep down he wanted to break. He needed to break. He had been strong too long and he needed to feel just like Rick. Denzel lifted his head as his eyes focused on Rick. He could never love him, not while he still loved Cloud, no matter what he gave to him. And no matter what he kept wanting him, no matter how wrong it was. Slowly he jerked back and shook his head. 

He had to be the strong one; if anyone tried to help him they would just be hurt. That was why he came here in the first place.

“Denzel… what happened? What do you mean?” Rick reached out a hand as Denzel turned away and shook his head. He took a step forward before he moved quicker and ignored the voice calling after him. He had to be strong, strong enough to fight and keep those around him from hurting. 

He couldn’t do that if he broke. 

 

The call had been unusual. He hadn’t answered it, wouldn’t have even if he knew the number but the message had his attention. It was what he was doing there on the base and why he was closely following Reeve. The sound of guns seemed to explode in his ears, reminded of the battles and the sound that came from the weapons of Vincent and Barret. 

Cloud had known that something was wrong, just as he knew he couldn’t push it. Denzel would talk when he was ready to and it would have been easier if the person he opened up to in the end wasn’t him. He didn’t know how to deal with this sort of thing even if it wasn’t normal teenager moods. When Tifa had told him about the injury he had wanted to come immediately. Perhaps it was just that he had in the years past become protective him. She had held his arm and stared down at the ground. 

_“Cloud… There were casualties.”_

That warning painted it clear enough even if his insistence that he was fine hadn’t made it obvious. They were long past the time when he was willing to talk about it or would cry in Tifa’s arms. Reality turned a child into a soldier. 

Cloud moved closer behind the walls and glanced at each of them until he stopped at the last box. He looked calm, even passive as the bullets shredded the target. As the gun clicked Denzel pulled out the ear plugs and sighed as he turned and half jumped. 

“Your friend Rick called.” 

Muscles tensed as Denzel glanced away from him quickly. “Of course… I told you I’m fine Cloud,” he shook his head and fingers shook slightly as he ejected the clip from the gun. He pulled it out and grabbed another before Cloud grabbed his arm and shook his head. He didn’t know what to do, how to help him. He didn’t know if anyone could help him or if Denzel would even let them. 

Slowly Denzel dropped his head and shook it slightly as he returned the pistol to his belt and slung the rifle strap over one shoulder. It seemed that when he wasn’t looking Denzel had grown up. He had faced horrors that would turn him into a wounded man. Visibly he swallowed and Denzel turned away from him. Fingers clenched at the strap of the rifle before he brushed past Cloud. 

There was nothing he could do for him, not until Denzel himself was willing to accept hope. The deadened blue eyes stared blankly ahead as he moved away from Cloud’s touch. Muscles tensed under the uniform once again before he glanced back towards Cloud. “Where are you staying?” 

“One of the guest quarters on the 70th floor.” 

“Well let’s go,” Denzel headed back out of the range and moved towards the lift. He stopped and waited for Cloud just outside before he hit the up button. Denzel took a breath before he rested his shoulder against the wall. “I don’t want to talk about it here.” 

He shifted from one foot to another as they waited for the lift and followed Denzel in. Denzel stared down and the button was selected before he dropped his head against the wall. They could pretend everything was normal, could pretend that it wasn’t hard to watch him, but that would be a lie. 

“What was the extent of the injury?” 

“Needed to have my stomach stitched back up, lots of blood… It knocked me out before the worst of it.” 

Denzel stared straight ahead and sighed slightly as he blinked. Fingers dragged through his hair as he shut his eyes and stretched. “Cloud, why do I always survive?” He whispered and the other turned towards Denzel. “Why is it always me? I should’ve died. There were soldiers older than me, better than me… why did I live? And the explosion and Geostigma… I should’ve been the one to die, not my parents or Ruvie or Gaskin.” 

He shook his head and slowly exhaled. “Why am I still alive when they’re all dead!” 

“Shh,” Cloud whispered as he reached over and pulled the teenager to his chest. For the first time since he was little Denzel buried his face against his chest and let himself finally break. 

“I just want to feel Cloud… I can’t feel… and all I do is remember. I can’t sleep and every time I train they’re still there, still dead…” 

Cloud slid one arm around his back and lightly cradled the back of his head. Calloused fingers stroked his hair as he listened to the soft sounds the teen made. Denzel’s arms slid up around his neck and clung tightly to him. He took a breath and clung to the teen. This was something he couldn’t protect him from.

Lightly he kissed the top of Denzel’s head, a silent wordless expression of something he could never tell him.


End file.
